فكرة تأجيره على موقع بِد آند بريكفاست الالكتروني!
When my glasses got bigger than my head
I didn’t know that I had all those details about what I am about to say…
Still hovering somewhere in a dark corner in my head
Details that I've never said, not even to my self
At the time, I had no sense of time
All what I know that it started the next morning of my birthday
Exactly ten years ago, or a decade of my life
I waked up with a killing pain in my head
And an intense breathing difficulty
Because of the water in my lungs caused by anesthesia
Cauterization extended from my arm, foot and a tube from my skull to a bottle of glass
A tingling sensation in my ends and all over my body
Then i started reading to myself..
A part of the Qur’an
My civil ID number
My house phone number…
And a part of “This is how Prometheus Sung”, a poem by the great poet Abo Al Qassim Al Shabbi
“I'll live in spite of enemy and disease as an eagle on a high tip
Looking forward to the smiley sun, calmly, to the clouds rain and weather.
Without noticing the darkness of despair, without seeing what is there at the end of the black hole.”
I was trying to find out if my brain is still functioning they way it should
I tried to concentrate on my breathing with tears in my eyes
I got exhausted as if I was running then my blood pressure increased
After imagining how my mother must be feeling like
The nurse came running to me
I asked her to see my father
Who was my companion the whole time during my treatment trip
Later I found out that his blood sure dropped and he couldn’t raise his head of the bed because he was diabetic
Latifa the artist stood by my side
And for many years my father was threatening me
About what he is going to tell her the first chance he have about me
His chance was during my surgery and when she called to check on me and he told her:
“Bashar loves you more than his mother why don’t you marry him?”
While she was telling him that this kind of diseases only happens to geniuses
And because of that I have a great respect for her unlike what might some people think
And that depressing cloud, drawing me with her tears
I was annoyed by touring patients
I was doubting that I would return to the normal Bashar again
I couldn’t control my body the way i wanted
And i hate to lose control for any reason
And because of that I always walk away when i get mad so I don't regret it later
As if I was a marionette my physical therapists were moving me
I felt my body’s weight as if it wasn’t mine
As if my body wasn’t my body
As if I was the prisoner and the security
While I am the most hyper person in the universe
Constantly moving even when I am still
Trying to act strong and things I didn’t really feel
So I don’t worry my father about how I really felt
And after a sweet article by Latifa and her fans complimenting me
And supporting messages of her fans and mine
My parents, sister, brothers, friends and colleagues
And that black cloud following me
While my father with food was killing me
Cortisone was causing me allergies
And my slow movement
All contributed to my weight, which was close to the weight of a seal
I collected all the positive energies from around me
To push my self so I can walk all by my self
With physical therapy for my body and lungs
Everyday, more than what my doctor recommend
During the day or night when I am visited by my insomnia
With short breaks to rest
Like a soldier I defended my homeland, my body
Which takes me everywhere
Followed by a headache for the next 8 months
It disappeared after being a pain for eternity
Until today i feel strange for not having that pain anymore
I got used to it as if it was a part of me
I returned to the normal Bashar physically
Now I am stronger to deal with the upcoming
Wondering, will one day I will go through that experience again?
In what I consider the most beautiful organ in my body?
Am I really now stronger to deal with the upcoming?
And what will I then do without my father?
Despite all of that, I still love my self..
I am the brain of Bashar and you were reading my words…
Every time I remember that I have a tumor bed somewhere on me...
Bashar smiles after I think of…
Renting it on bed & breakfast!
